Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
