Just fell off a train. Bad.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I cut my penus on the lid.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
