I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
