I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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