I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
