Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
