Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
