He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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