I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I could fuck to npr.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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