My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
