we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
