He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Life is so much better after having sex.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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