Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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