OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
