before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
