I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
