you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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