guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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