What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
