this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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