Just fell off a train. Bad.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
