Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
