I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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