dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize