Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
