So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
