Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
