he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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