You made me cry and you don't even care
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
