Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I can text with my tongue
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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