My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
