My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize