call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
