don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize