its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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