I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
