I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
