I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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