you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
