my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm really busy with my period
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