and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
