dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
