I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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