The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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