In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
