i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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