Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
