I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
