My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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