I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
