Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
