What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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