i already hear my dad disowning me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
