Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
