If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
