Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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