I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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