He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
