can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
