Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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