we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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