Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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