just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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