I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
