dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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