I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
