I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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